For all the details of me and Melinda's story, you can check out "Our Story" on the blog. For this post, I'm going to talk about the time period in which I realized that I loved Melinda, but had to cope with the fact that she wasn't ready to commit to a relationship.
When Melinda said she wasn't ready, I told her that I would wait until she was ready. She thought I was crazy but I knew that I loved her, so waiting for her didn't seem like much of a burden. I wasn't even trying to be romantic or honorable; I was simply being very pragmatic. It was my decision to love her, and I was going to wait for the opportunity to express that to her. My first mistake: not revealing the full extent of my feelings. I should have just told her that I loved her, but I was scared that she wouldn't reciprocate those feelings (even though she secretly loved me too…what a couple of idiots we were!). All in all, though, it was God's timing and he was preparing us for each other. The "waiting period" continued to cultivate our friendship. In the end, it provided a solid foundation for our relationship. All the while, I thought I was the only one who was in love.
The day we met to the day she told me to stop waiting for her was in the neighborhood of nine to ten months. I vividly remember the many nights that I lied on my bed in Springfield and petitioned God…asking him to open Melinda's heart, so that she would at least give "us" a try. That didn't happen at the time, but God did show me how to pray better. My prayers changed from petitions for "us" to asking God to give Melinda the one man that would make her the happiest…even if it wasn't me. I truly wanted her to have the best, no matter where it came from. I was crushed when she said I shouldn't wait for her anymore, and I thought that God was telling me that he had someone else in mind for Melinda. Nevertheless, I hung on to the little bit of hope I had left…until she got engaged.
That's when I started doubting my own feelings. Maybe it wasn't really love. Maybe it was just infatuation. See, I'm the kind of person who believes that I was made to love one woman and one woman only. I know people have different opinions, but that's my opinion. So, I thought that I must have been fooling myself if Melinda wasn't the woman God had planned for me. Little did I know that in the midst of all of my doubt, God was weaving together his beautiful plan.
I figured I had to move on, so I could forget about Melinda. She was going to be married, and I had to come to grips with reality. The problem with me was that I never became interested in a meaningful relationship with anyone else. Melinda was the only one who had touched my heart that way. Looking back, I realize that I was witnessing to the authenticity of my love for Melinda during that time…even if I didn't realize it then. My prayers went back to a generic petition to God…asking him to bring the right woman into my life. I can just see God saying, "I have! I have brought her into your life. You're just not ready; be patient." Again, I didn't realize that God was preparing me for Melinda. If you want to know how the story ends, check it out on the blog.
I'm no relationship guru. I've been married for only two years. I've made mistakes and I continue to make mistakes (just ask my wife!). God has taught me a lot about love and marriage, though. So if you're frustrated because you're waiting for God to bring someone into your life, here are my humble suggestions. I know they are a lot easier said than done, and you can see that I wasn't very good at doing them myself!
Give it to God – "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matt. 7:7-11
The bible is stuffed with verses on asking God for the things we want (Matt. 21:22; Mark 11:24; John 14:13-14; John 15:7; 1 John 5:14-15). In the end, God heard all of my prayers…and he answered them. He loves us, he's sovereign, he's in control, and he has a divine plan for each of us. Our "immediate satisfaction" society makes us impatient. Step back, be patient, let God do his thing. His results always come out a bagillion times better anyway. Don't try to push it or force something just because you want to be in a relationship. But when you meet the right one, don't hold anything back. As in everything, pray to God for guidance and reassurance.
Prepare Yourself – If God is going to bring a man/woman into your life, why not prepare yourself to be the best spouse you can be? Men: learn how to work hard, how to make a steady income, and how to save money, so that you can support a family someday. Learn how to maintain vehicles and fix common problems around the house. Ladies: learn the skills that are needed in order to keep a good home. *This isn't meant to be chauvinistic in any way. There are simply some wonderful things in the home that God has designed you to do—things that men simply cannot do as well as you—and we men would be lost without the love and care you show in the home. For example, if I didn't have Melinda, I'd be eating fast food or cereal every night!
Seek Courtship – Dating is stupid. I know, because I've dated. Thankfully, God used the time that I was waiting for Melinda as a type of courtship. At the time, I was frustrated because I wanted us to be a couple, but now I know that God was preparing us to love each other. I don't have to gocourt, because Josh Harris already did in his book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Consider giving it a read.
Enjoy Your Singleness – In America, it's all about "me", and we think that we need to find someone who will make us happy for the rest of our lives. The problem is that God didn't design marriage to make us happy, and he didn't create someone else to be our source of happiness. Our complete joy and satisfaction can only come from God himself. God created marriage to make us holy…to show us how to be selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional in our love. He wants us to be happy in our marriages, and he wants that happiness to stem from his love as we reflect that love and its divine qualities to our spouses. Don't think that the fulfillment of your life comes from finding your mate (this is a difficult teaching, I know). Granted, it is a wonderful thing to find that one person with whom you can share your life, and God created marriage so that we can share a deep intimacy with another…but we can only love a spouse in this way—the way God wants us to—if we first accept the love that God has shown us through Jesus Christ. If you're single and you're trusting God through faith in Jesus, then you are exactly where he wants you to be at this precise moment. Don't let anxiety for the future rob you of the beautiful "present" God is placing before you right now. For reference, Focus on the Family's Dr. Del Tackett does an excellent job of teaching these points.
In Ephesians 5, Paul refers to marriage as a profound mystery. If you're looking for your mate and you think it's complicated now…just wait…because it will get far more complex when you do find your partner. It may be a mystery, but it's a beautiful mystery…and God will continue to reveal little pieces of its beauty as you trust in him. If you're single and looking, then Melinda and I sincerely hope you find the one that God has made for you. If you have any frustrations in this area, then we would love to pray for you. We are one big Christian family and we love praying for our brothers and sisters. Remember, prayer is a POWERFUL thing!
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Thank you, Josh and Mel!
Now be sure to go check out
their blog and leave them some love!
love,
Natalie
