The Lord has really been sifting some things in my heart lately. I find it difficult to blog during these times, not sure if the work He's been doing is too personal to share or if that's exactly what He wants me to have this blog for- to share His mercy in the midst of my weakness. I don't write these words for pity or praise. I only hope that it encourages (or wrecks) one person. That's what being vulnerable is all about.
As 2012 was drawing to a close, I was thinking about what one word I wanted to define me for 2013. It seems that choosing a "word of the year" every January is pretty common these days. (Maybe it's just a blogger thing?) As I was thinking and praying about what I should work or focus on this year, every idea I thought of didn't seem quite right. Then the Lord revealed a huge stronghold in my life.
I came face to face with my insecurity.
I realized how much I care about what others think.
How much I feel like I don't measure up.
How much I resent other people and the things they have.
It was not pretty.
We can choose to live our lives in bitterness and resentment because others will always have more or do more than us or we can choose to let God take our insecurity and use us as we are.
One thing I've realized in the past week is how much I need Christ and the healing He extends. I was broken and forced to fall at the feet of my merciful Savior. Only He can put my heart back together. Only He can make me whole.
He knows what we need far more than we know ourselves, and HE WILL give you what you need when you ask Him. He may crack you open. The process may be painful. But in the end, He will bring beauty.
So my word is secure.
Secure because I am a daughter of the Most High King, not because I'm good at x, y, z or have this or that.
Secure to be bold.
Secure to be vulnerable.
Secure to be imperfect.
Secure to be comfortable with the person God has created me to be.
Just as I am.
Because one day everything will be stripped away and the only thing that will matter is my relationship with Christ and what I did with my time here on earth.